1
Writing out to youFeels like shouting deep
Into the void
And hearing an echo
Stretching out my arms
I can feel the warmth
Radiating from your fingertips
And I'm ever so close
Squinting my eyes
Until I can feel the headache kick
I'm searing your image in
And your already fading
Locking my thoughts on
So the memory stays fixed
But the shapes and the meaning
Are beginning to be lost
Wracking my own body
for the set limitations
Time ebbs and erodes
The past and it's all going
2
With the streetlights dotting the countryside
And the fields a great expanse of space
The power-lines dip and dip and dip
As you pass each one noiselessly
Birds flit through the leaves of bush
Echoing song pulsing off each tree
A lone wombat nuzzles into the crust of earth
Damp dirt covering tender nose and whiskers
The heat is breaking and the world is relieved
The smell of cool is permeating the woods
Each animal can feel the release:
As the dragging sluggishness recedes
Eyes focus outwards in this time
Carcasses line bitumen broken by steel
Mustn’t cause needless destruction
And your thoughts can’t wander – it’s dusk
A blur of brown bounces out
Breaks on. Heart pounds. Fists clench. Don’t swerve.
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh...
Luck was on your side today (it hops away)
This one avoided impact & you avoided trauma
Lights go on. Reflected signs glare back
Continue to feel othered from nature
Drive into the night: find your place peacefully
3
An artist
A magician
I want to draw every angle and line of you
Your body is sublime
I'll paint with bold lines, harmonic notes, and whispers
Anything to capture your form
To show others what I'm seeing
The light that is bouncing off you
Travelling incomprehensibly fast
Is buried in my eyes
Gifting me the sight of you
And I need to show you
So I'll learn the techniques and craft - I have to
To somehow capture a fraction of what I see in you
4
Sighing off softly the troubles of the day
Breaking away from the you that has been
Celebrating the freedom that
Comes when burden is lifted
Joyous rabble and raucous laughter
Lightning quips mixed with daring tales
Each larger than life, Brilliant
Become buzzed - Fly with energy
Relax your brow and exercise your blind eye
The pressures of the world don't exist here
Only ideas, bodies, and desires
Forget about the river of blood under foot
We'll sup long into the night
And we might work it all out
We could connect and live purely
In someone's eyes for an instant
'Self care is a political act'
And I will share that pact
Taking my heart on a break from breaking
Let me live lightly for a time
5
In the face of certain mortality
- of being thrust into this world
- of being gifted this
None of us chose our place
Our divides are minuscule
Our shared humanity is monumental
We fight and fret over differences
Colour - Sex - Place of birth
When really It's our mirth
It's our laughter & fear
Of our eroding bodies
That binds us all
I'm scared and joyful and lost
Just like you
6
You're with me into the night
And if we stay still enough
Time just might freeze
Holding onto this for eternity
I take a breath deep into my lungs
Close my eyes - release tense shoulders
Feel the pressure slowly rise
Will will surpass the Body this time
Please hold my hand loosely
Let me know you're beside me
That we're still here
That running isn't an option
The only way out is through
Ride it on like a wave
Breathe quietly to not lose this:
Create stillness with me
7
I'd like to make a toast
To all the little hearts out there
That are pumping and thumping
Keeping the world in motion
Perpetuating the commotion
And knitting together after each split
No less whole than the first time formed
I'd like to honour them for each single day
They get bigger and stronger
That one day soon, I'm sure, it'll break out of my chest
As my ribcage can't contain it
And a bleeding heart isn't a weak thing
You're red-blooded being, with enough of it to spare
That to care is the best thing you can ever do
So let your heart lead you
It will have its own song
All you have to do is listen to the notes
So, to each golden thread that binds us
To each awesome artery, and each valiant valve
To each sensational cell of that magical muscle
I raise my glass to you
8
Bark flame & Spit fire
Fuel the hungry furnace
Inside deepest recesses
Chatter goes on
Chatter still goes on
Break fists. Cut open.
Rip the seams. Shake free.
Chatter goes on
Chatter still goes on
Burning eyes. Smashed words.
Torn skin. Bleeding lips.
Chatter goes on
Chatter still goes on
Punctuated lungs. Venomous words.
Pointed barbs tipped with anger.
Chatter goes on
Chatter still goes on
9
Life speeding up so fast
Seconds & Minutes & Hours
Fly by your face at such speed
You can hear each one zip by;
Slicing your chilled cheek and
Kissing exposed neck as you reach
Your terminal velocity
Like a child's bike barrelling downhill
With only gravel ahead to cushion the fall
Hold on tight. Close your eyes. Wish for the best.
In descent - Higher altitudes distant memory
Pushing peddles meant something
And resistance still resisted
Here - take the risk of a blowout
Go off path. Find newness.
Even though you can't slow down
And don't want to reach the bottom
10
I stand upon a pile of corpses
A pile of voices which
Have moulded and crafted
The world as we know it
Each conflicting force
Each labour of love
Each touched heart out in a field with
The pale moon towering above so large
That they didn't have any choice but
To fall in love
Grave-stricken words still echo
For eons Into this moment
Passing our life like a ripple on the water
The waves passing
Further than we could've ever hoped
From the initial plop dropped in
11
We will both sit there
Not knowing what to say
About the years between us
Both shared & unshared
The stillness hangs around us
Like a vast perfect lake
And neither wants to
Be the first to break
The untouched surface
- to play in the wet
We know that we can't stay
That soon, waves will come
The flood passing past our waists
But where to start?
The words don't seem
- Big enough
The actions seem
- Absurd
So we'll just sit with this
Sit with each other
Silently; Patiently; Breathing
Until life rips us away
12
Where do memories go when once forgotten?
Finally dissolving in with my grey matter
Dripping out my ears in droplets
Never be thought of again
I like to think that they float
Nebulous. Like bits of dust
Rolling aimlessly in the world
Buffeted by the wind
At the mercies of the weather
Lilting in the breeze
But eventually they collect
One by one they form
In burly balls they roll
Creating bigger better thoughts
Names; Moments; Song lyrics; Old studied texts
All there
Finding company with each other
Finding a place
The thoughts we once had
13
Hand-heart to Hand-heart
Press into me
Hold while the turmoil rises
Sing with silent praises
Draw the downpour out
The clouds and grey and rain
Break it all into bits
Until all that's left is gravel
And tender marbles of feeling
Hand-heart to Hand-heart
Press into me
My murder-holes are closed
And the fort is slowly crumbling
Hot oil floods only inwards
Arrows have already hit their mark
Gates are flung open
The guard lay on the floor
Resigned to no invading force
Hand-heart to Hand-heart
Press into me
Fill me with lightness
Cast out the bitter gloom
Scrape the sad sludge
Muscles melt into breeze
Thoughts billow away
Skin prickly with touch
Reminding me I'm here
Press into me
14
The notes that once struck
Deepest into my core
They soar, and miss targets
Which have moved or toughened
Words spoken that sung true
Are now wooden awkward stumbles
Ringing with cruel cliché
Trying to say something - but naught
Lingering lines set with care
Now feel like air with the
Weight they now posses
No building harmony in sight
Gestures & melodious movements
Which could move me
Instead they now exist as
Living memories
Close your eyes
Look at what you see:
The shapes & colours
Dancing in the blackness
How indescribable it is
Yet familiar
These signals your brain
Is receiving
Is searching for
We don't know Blackness
Even in our darkness
We are the images
Of static
And we'll find faces in
The haze
It's inbuilt to our core
While we're still burning
Lying with cool grass between fingers
The epic expanse of sky opened up
Trying to feel the earth spinning
Feel yourself rocketing through space
Clung to the ground like sap
On a tree that we have never flown from
And this is the only home that we
Will ever own & it will be our grave
Are now wooden awkward stumbles
Ringing with cruel cliché
Trying to say something - but naught
Lingering lines set with care
Now feel like air with the
Weight they now posses
No building harmony in sight
Gestures & melodious movements
Which could move me
Instead they now exist as
Living memories
15
Close your eyes
Look at what you see:
The shapes & colours
Dancing in the blackness
How indescribable it is
Yet familiar
These signals your brain
Is receiving
Is searching for
We don't know Blackness
Even in our darkness
We are the images
Of static
And we'll find faces in
The haze
It's inbuilt to our core
While we're still burning
16
Lying with cool grass between fingers
The epic expanse of sky opened up
Trying to feel the earth spinning
Feel yourself rocketing through space
Clung to the ground like sap
On a tree that we have never flown from
And this is the only home that we
Will ever own & it will be our grave
Feet pinned to the ground like Keaton
Head snapped back staring upwards
Eyes inhaling the twinkling twilight
Of the past as it buries itself inside
Watch them shimmer in blackness
As everything you're made of
Everything that was birthed and loved
Was formed deep inside this splendour
Each day there is not enough time
And there never will be
Even if I lived for a Million years
A Billion years
A Gazillion years
A Googleplex of years
A Graham's number of years
The highest amount of years
That you can possibly imagine
LARGER than you can imagine
It doesn't fix the problem
There is only so much time & I
Can't be all places at once
I will never be able to:
See it all
Read it all
Do it all
Love it all
And that breaks me
Head snapped back staring upwards
Eyes inhaling the twinkling twilight
Of the past as it buries itself inside
Watch them shimmer in blackness
As everything you're made of
Everything that was birthed and loved
Was formed deep inside this splendour
17
Each day there is not enough time
And there never will be
Even if I lived for a Million years
A Billion years
A Gazillion years
A Googleplex of years
A Graham's number of years
The highest amount of years
That you can possibly imagine
LARGER than you can imagine
It doesn't fix the problem
There is only so much time & I
Can't be all places at once
I will never be able to:
See it all
Read it all
Do it all
Love it all
And that breaks me
We're here on this singular point
And so much is changing
Being Created
Being Destroyed
Being Tormented &
I just can't catch up
Dreams of stillness take fancy
They weave delights through my mind
But they're illusions
The smoke dissolves & dissipates
And when it does
I feel even further behind
But that too is a lie
Instead -
Let the rest of the world spin
It can go on without us
We're right, right here
And thank you for that
18
I am a Full stop
Inside me lies an ending
It's not an ellipsis
There isn't a part two
I am a Full stop
A punctuated puncture
Definite chilling stillness
And quite clearly marked
I am a Full stop
A non-negotiable arrest
A conclusive closure
This story will finish
.
19
Some days feel big
Like the mountains were made for climbing
You stand tall & belong
The air opens up just for you
You're propelled forward with purpose
The ground supports each step
Jokes flow easily outward
And joy lies just beneath the surface of it all
However,
Some days feel small
And even with a herculean effort
You can hardly make a dint
There is a headwind for every action
Meaning feels impossible
Atmosphere is a vile syrupy fog
Coating everything in sight
- Some days can be both
In either case:
I always enjoy seeing you
20
Words kept locked inside
Heart finding a place to hide
Rocks stand still around
Acting as cover all abound
High hills, craggy peaks
Up so tall that impulse meeks
Fields vast and meadows surround
Will find what's lost into found
I'll climb each slowly
Explore every crevice wholly
Find words burning bright
Even when shrouded by the night
Release these scared things
And who knows what tomorrow brings
They're better off to be freed
Kept hidden they'll writhe & bleed
Scamper into minds
Maybe some bite; and some reminds
The person far away
Of a long lost beautiful day
The night cries out
In a clarity of crystal
That blood has been spilled
Pooling in the dirt
And still time passes
The earth cracks open
To swallow a home whole
Wreckage & rubble the only
Markers of sacred space
And still time passes
A woman holds a Stillbirth
Calm face & limp limbs
The building crescendo of hope
Shattered in these moments
And still time passes
A drunk verbally tears down
The world & his wife
Simply scared & cannot find
Any path of escape
And still time passes
An artery bursts in the brain
Of a young man before
He was old enough to shave
Smooth skin slack evermore
And still time passes
A dog's back is broken
A wrist is cut open
A heart fails & fractures
A skull split
A climber loses grip
A car smashes apart
A doctor sighs at a chart
And still time passes
Messy mind through the day
A hundred thousand things to say
Each one special
Each one vital
Those needy climbing creatures
Straining to out-shout the rest
A hive of bees
A colony of ants
But there is little order
Within this chaos
Calm the Clamour
Observe them at rest
(without frenzy)
They are not you
Each is like a cloud in the brilliant sky
They morph, billow, and float
away...
You can love them
Hate them
But they pass by
While you remain
Right here
I love the debris that
My body casts off to
Remind me
That I'm living
The hair that falls
The dust bunnies, like tumbleweed
Old dead skin cells
- Bits of me
Of who I used to be
My nails (both hand and foot)
Continue the march
Until those claws are trimmed
And I domesticate myself
Again
The spit in the basin
Mixed with toothpaste
Plaque. Scrubbed clean off
How I'm shot into the present
I love the piss & shit
That waste that leaves me
Tells me of a time
When I was given life;
Energy & Form
Every second I produce waste
I cast off my former self
Eroding; Reforming; Becoming
Art isn't nice
Art bites & tears
Screams & shatters
Heart-strings plucked so hard
That they could snap
It froths out with urgency
It has to be told
It had no other choice
Prying open the doors
And pushing its way in
It can be silken softly spoken
Delicate whispers
Created with nimble knowing hands
It can be wild, absurd & backbreakingly hilarious
Coming from sly playfulness
A million other things
But that place that it derives
That pull. That hunger. That yearning.
Insatiable animal that only sleeps
Once it has been fed
That's my Art
Don't give me nice
Hole in heart, sucking
Blood and Bile
From the world
Sit quietly with violence
Hold hands with venom
Listen kindly to the woes of pain
Understand this constant cutting
Take it inwards
But don't - release -
Vacuumed in by
Hardened heart. Ribcaged
Acid burning.
Be a filter
And when you're full
Come apart. Clean yourself
Out
It's okay that you cough & splutter
Red eyes watering
That's normal
Let me tell you about
The Birds & The Bees
And I don't mean: Fucking
You (probably) already know about that
You see, when I look at
The Birds & The Bees
I don't see rampant sex
I don't see procreation
I don't see the awesome power of Nature
Working its magic (ever so slowly & completely)
In everything all at once
No.
What I see is this: Animals.
That are happy doing what they're doing
That are comfortable being themselves
And nothing further
They don't have to be anything else
They have a right to exist
To be present unapologetically
Just like every other damn Bird & Bee
And so do you
Circular spinning in constant beginning
Motion a lotion of warming calm
Take this balm and use it daily
Cause there is no cure, but time
This body still mine; keeps beating on
Hearing a song - out in the ether
Smash & cleaver notes on the ground
Regret each minute left wasted
Brace up heavy head, eyes to the sky
Thoughts flit & fly (as do deeds)
Supple dark reeds are no place to hide
Run through fields & valleys untasted
It's time
Clear the decks
Sweep the filthy floor
Dust the aging curtains
Set the stage.
And who knows what tomorrow brings
They're better off to be freed
Kept hidden they'll writhe & bleed
Scamper into minds
Maybe some bite; and some reminds
The person far away
Of a long lost beautiful day
21
The night cries out
In a clarity of crystal
That blood has been spilled
Pooling in the dirt
And still time passes
The earth cracks open
To swallow a home whole
Wreckage & rubble the only
Markers of sacred space
And still time passes
A woman holds a Stillbirth
Calm face & limp limbs
The building crescendo of hope
Shattered in these moments
And still time passes
A drunk verbally tears down
The world & his wife
Simply scared & cannot find
Any path of escape
And still time passes
An artery bursts in the brain
Of a young man before
He was old enough to shave
Smooth skin slack evermore
And still time passes
A dog's back is broken
A wrist is cut open
A heart fails & fractures
A skull split
A climber loses grip
A car smashes apart
A doctor sighs at a chart
And still time passes
22
Messy mind through the day
A hundred thousand things to say
Each one special
Each one vital
Those needy climbing creatures
Straining to out-shout the rest
A hive of bees
A colony of ants
But there is little order
Within this chaos
Calm the Clamour
Observe them at rest
(without frenzy)
They are not you
Each is like a cloud in the brilliant sky
They morph, billow, and float
away...
You can love them
Hate them
But they pass by
While you remain
Right here
23
I love the debris that
My body casts off to
Remind me
That I'm living
The hair that falls
The dust bunnies, like tumbleweed
Old dead skin cells
- Bits of me
Of who I used to be
My nails (both hand and foot)
Continue the march
Until those claws are trimmed
And I domesticate myself
Again
The spit in the basin
Mixed with toothpaste
Plaque. Scrubbed clean off
How I'm shot into the present
I love the piss & shit
That waste that leaves me
Tells me of a time
When I was given life;
Energy & Form
Every second I produce waste
I cast off my former self
Eroding; Reforming; Becoming
24
Art isn't nice
Art bites & tears
Screams & shatters
Heart-strings plucked so hard
That they could snap
It froths out with urgency
It has to be told
It had no other choice
Prying open the doors
And pushing its way in
It can be silken softly spoken
Delicate whispers
Created with nimble knowing hands
It can be wild, absurd & backbreakingly hilarious
Coming from sly playfulness
A million other things
But that place that it derives
That pull. That hunger. That yearning.
Insatiable animal that only sleeps
Once it has been fed
That's my Art
Don't give me nice
25
Hole in heart, sucking
Blood and Bile
From the world
Sit quietly with violence
Hold hands with venom
Listen kindly to the woes of pain
Understand this constant cutting
Take it inwards
But don't - release -
Vacuumed in by
Hardened heart. Ribcaged
Acid burning.
Be a filter
And when you're full
Come apart. Clean yourself
Out
It's okay that you cough & splutter
Red eyes watering
That's normal
26
Let me tell you about
The Birds & The Bees
And I don't mean: Fucking
You (probably) already know about that
You see, when I look at
The Birds & The Bees
I don't see rampant sex
I don't see procreation
I don't see the awesome power of Nature
Working its magic (ever so slowly & completely)
In everything all at once
No.
What I see is this: Animals.
That are happy doing what they're doing
That are comfortable being themselves
And nothing further
They don't have to be anything else
They have a right to exist
To be present unapologetically
Just like every other damn Bird & Bee
And so do you
27
Circular spinning in constant beginning
Motion a lotion of warming calm
Take this balm and use it daily
Cause there is no cure, but time
This body still mine; keeps beating on
Hearing a song - out in the ether
Smash & cleaver notes on the ground
Regret each minute left wasted
Brace up heavy head, eyes to the sky
Thoughts flit & fly (as do deeds)
Supple dark reeds are no place to hide
Run through fields & valleys untasted
28
It's time
Clear the decks
Sweep the filthy floor
Dust the aging curtains
Set the stage.
Love the words
Focus the messy mind
Hear the open heart
Set the stage.
Enjoy the moment
Believe the materialised magic
Celebrate the dissected lines
Set the stage.
Trust the work
Remember the intricate images
Create the permeable present
Set the stage.
Respect the other
Lose the selfish self
Move the subtle spirit
Set the stage.
All the words that I could've said
The loved ones that I never had
Hands I could've held
Lips that were unkissed
All the absent best friendships
The missed late nights: together
Hearts that might've been
Entrusted in shaking hands
Lush lazy mornings skipped
Tight embraces, that weren't enough
Open minds & bodies. Together
We would have breathed; unhindered
All the paths I've never taken
And every past lover forsaken
All the timelines not chosen
And every thought left unspoken
Again & Again & Again
I try and send
These thoughts to you
And I feel like I fail
I feel like I haven't split myself open
For messy innards to gush forth
That I haven't held
Both of our beating hearts, in bloody hands
Proving that we're here & real
That you're beautiful - magical -
And most of all: Human
That I love you
Everything you are shines brightly
And I am in awe all of the time
The words fails me
They stumble awkwardly towards you
Sniffing the ground, and falling asleep
They go round in circles
Heading towards cliché
But one day, I hope you understand
I hope this ship in a bottle
Shatters upon your shore
That a message survives
Focus the messy mind
Hear the open heart
Set the stage.
Enjoy the moment
Believe the materialised magic
Celebrate the dissected lines
Set the stage.
Trust the work
Remember the intricate images
Create the permeable present
Set the stage.
Respect the other
Lose the selfish self
Move the subtle spirit
Set the stage.
29
All the words that I could've said
The loved ones that I never had
Hands I could've held
Lips that were unkissed
All the absent best friendships
The missed late nights: together
Hearts that might've been
Entrusted in shaking hands
Lush lazy mornings skipped
Tight embraces, that weren't enough
Open minds & bodies. Together
We would have breathed; unhindered
All the paths I've never taken
And every past lover forsaken
All the timelines not chosen
And every thought left unspoken
30
I try and send
These thoughts to you
And I feel like I fail
I feel like I haven't split myself open
For messy innards to gush forth
That I haven't held
Both of our beating hearts, in bloody hands
Proving that we're here & real
That you're beautiful - magical -
And most of all: Human
That I love you
Everything you are shines brightly
And I am in awe all of the time
The words fails me
They stumble awkwardly towards you
Sniffing the ground, and falling asleep
They go round in circles
Heading towards cliché
But one day, I hope you understand
I hope this ship in a bottle
Shatters upon your shore
That a message survives
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